its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
