I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
