so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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