We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
