Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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