Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry about my life...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
