There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
