Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
