After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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