I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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