Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I look better un-naked...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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