the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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