Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
