All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
