the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
