life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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