It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
