My brain says no but my pants say off.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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