Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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