Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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