i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
