you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
