Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
