I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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