THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
