I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
