the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
