His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
