We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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