Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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