So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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