we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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