Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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