i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
