I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
