also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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