Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
