Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
