I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
