Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
