my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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