watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is Oprah even human
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
