I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You took a bar mat shot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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