Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
