she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
