I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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