Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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