In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
