Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
