people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
